That evening, Mick left the ward to get a drink. I needed the loo, a nurse brought over a bedpan as I had to stay in bed. I suddenly felt a terrible pain, I pushed the buzzer for a nurse, she came over, then called about 5 other nurses. They were telling me to push and I could feel my baby. I was heartbroken, I never considered this would happen to me. I tried not to push as I thought if I didn't, the baby would have a chance. After about half an hour, the nurses told me I had lost my baby. I couldn't stop crying. Mick came back into the ward and saw the state I was in, he held me then asked me to marry him. Like an idiot I agreed. The next day he came into the hospital and told me it was all booked, we were getting married on 24/9/88. That was only 9 weeks away.

After I came out of hospital, I became wrapped in wedding plans and couldn't see the situation I was getting into. I went back to work a week later, my boss called me into the office and asked how I was. I told her I was fine and that I was getting married. She asked me if I was planning another baby, I told her I was. She then said "we need career women, not mothers, if you will not change your mind I will give you a months notice." I couldn't believe it, I walked back to my office and sobbed my heart out. After about five minutes, I composed myself, collected my things, said goodbye to my colleagues, left the office and never went back.

Mick didn't seem too bothered that I'd lost my job, he told me I didn't have to work, that he would look after me. He was only earning a small wage and I knew I could earn much more. Four days later I started my new job in an office in my home town, doing accounts as I was before.

Mick and his family would make me feel uncomfortable by laughing at me because I was working in an office, they would say I was a snob. I felt hurt but just laughed with them. (I come from a normal working class family, my friends say I'm as common as muck, I just did the work because I could and the money was good).

Two weeks before the wedding, we were going to visit Mick's brother, as we were crossing a railway bridge, My uncle walked passed me. He had sexually abused me when I was eight and I hadn't seen him since then. I looked him in the eye and told him he was a disgusting, perverted wanker and I hoped someone would rip his bollocks off. He just carried on walking, he couldn't look at me.
Mick asked what was going on so I told him what had happened, how I'd told my parents and how we made him an outcast and warned other people, so they wouldn't let their children near him. As far as I was concerned that was the end of it, OK, I'd had a bad experience as a child, but it was over with. Mick just said" you enjoyed doing that to him didn't you" I just laughed and said "yeah I hate the bastard". I never gave it any thought at all after that.

The same day, we went to visit a woman whose dog had puppies but had rejected them, She gave me a pup, he was 3 weeks old and smaller than my hand, he was beautiful. We had decided to move in with Mick's brother after the wedding, he said we could keep the dog there. We had to take him to the vet's for some bitches milk. The vet informed us that the poor little thing was riddled with tape worm and in a bad way. He gave us some milk and medication and told us to come back the following week. I was worried about poor little Bruno, I would make up a bottle for him every 2 hours, within a few days his happy personality started to shine through and I loved him to bits. At the vets the next week we were told he was very poorly and might not make it, we bought more medication and milk and I kept my fingers crossed. As we left the vets I looked at the tiny pup in my hand and started to cry. Mick asked what was wrong, I told him I was worried about Bruno. He looked at me and said "it's only a fucking dog, what's your problem you silly bitch?" I told him I loved the dog and wanted him to be OK. He said "the fucking thing is costing a fortune, why don't I just break it's fucking neck and put it out of his misery". I told him he was sick so he hit me in the face. I was stunned and started to wonder what I was letting myself in for. I took the pup back to the woman for fear of what Mick might do when I wasn't around.

After that he was all nice and lovey-dovey, he said he was sorry, he didn't know what had came over him, it was all the stress of the baby and the wedding etc, I had my doubts, but then he was a nice bloke usually, it was a one off and I wouldn't let it happen again. I considered myself to be the sort of person who could cope with anything life threw at me, and after all he said he loved me.

I can't tell you how many times since that day I wished I'd finished it there and then.

On 24th september, we married as planned, I felt nervous, but then again, don't all Brides?